I am not sure that this note will be terribly long but I need to tell you thank you. I know it has been a few days since I have written but I am compelled tonight, as the wind is blowing gently through my windows and your siblings are snug in their beds, to write you a letter of gratitude.
Yesterday your sister went in the hospital to have a routine procedure done, just placement of ear tubes. But the way I see it, there is nothing routine about a routine procedure when general anesthetic is involved, things happen...things do go wrong. You are my proof of that.
Then my alarm didn't go off at 4:40 AM like it was supposed to but some how by the Grace of God, your daddy woke up before me and woke me up on time. He was the calm one and I know he was just as worried as I was but you were his ever guiding hand telling him that things would be alright. You are always there, just long enough to guide us through the storm. He made sure that I had finished everything the night before, he even made sure we had a bottle just in case, and your favorite toys. He was able to calmly load your sweet baby sister into the car and help me get there in the rain when I forgot my glasses. Thank You Bean.
When we arrived at the hospital and I registered her it said I would owe a $275 copay that I didn't have but some how, I no longer had to pay it right away. It just kind of went away and again, I knew it was you just showing me you had my back in all of the worry.
We were whisked upstairs and the surgery check in person, Bonita, was so sweet and calmed my nerves, just asking if we needed anything and what your sister would want to drink after she woke up. Then I blinked and we were in the surgery prep room, a teeny tiny hospital bed with rails that came up and turned it into a crib. My heart was heavy, because I know how badly things can go in the blink of an eye. All of the what ifs were swimming in my head. But nothing was intimidating your sweet baby Bird. She laid there as they took her blood pressure, and her pulse/ox levels, and measurements to make sure she got the right amount of medications. She just smiled and babbled the whole time, no idea what was coming.
I knew it was getting closer as they brought in a tiny but oversized hospital gown for her, it was white with green animals all over it and it said "lions, tigers and bears, oh my!" all over too. She let me slip her out of her pajamas that had been so warm and snug on such a nasty rainy & stormy day. My heart was clenching and the nurse said "We are going to take her for a test run to see if she is okay going with us, if not we will get her anti-anxiety meds." I knew you had wrapped your tiny hand into hers and told her it would be okay because she willingly went with the nurses and smiled as she looked back. You kept her calm so she didn't need any more medications, Thank You Bean.
I didn't cry as I watched her being taken away, I wanted to but I felt a gentle squeeze on my heart, and a relief in my mind, that said all was going to be okay, and with each breath those what ifs disappeared. Twelve minutes passed after they walked out of the room with, only twelve and the nurse came in and said "She did great!, and Dr. Brown will be in in just a moment." Twelve minutes, a coincidence? I think not. Dr. Brown came in and gave us her ear drops and said her ears were still very bad but she should be on the mend now. She went out quickly and was already beginning to wake up. In the doctor's words "She did beautifully." Thank You Bean.
|Post Op Nummies|
|Just 5 hrs post op|
I hate that I only got to know you for 25 weeks and I am missing so many things with you, but I love that you gave me her to help ease the pain, and you are here with her. I know you are always watching over us and when my heart aches for you I know that you are just a blink away in my dreams.
Thank You Bean.
I love you,