Today the weather is perfect, it's not too hot and it's not too cold. I have the windows open and the breeze is coursing through the house. It is fall.
This time of year is my favorite, the colors and the smell of people burning leaves. But it also leaves me with an empty feeling, like something is missing.
You were due to arrive in the fall. Set amongst gorgeous colors and the scents that I love. Your dark brown hair and peachy skin set amongst the leaves fallen for your first photo session.
I am reminded that you aren't here to see the wonders of the world as I slide the locks open on the windows and pull them down, letting the fresh air inside.
I've pulled out all the decorations for our home and started placing them. And I am reminded very much of the place that you have here. Reminded how things can change in the blink of an eye.
You may not have a room, you may not have boxes full of toys and a closet full of clothes but you're here. You're here coursing through my veins, here holding your brother and sister's hands as they make new strides every day. You are here reminding your dad how amazing he is.
You are here! In the place you were meant to be. It may not be in my arms for a night time snuggle, or splashing in the bath tub. But you're here, the glue that holds our little piece of crazy together.
I can't say that it is what I wanted. I can't say that this was my wish for our lives. But, I can say that you've made me a better person and for that I am thankful.
So, as I drag out all my decorations for this time of year to make autumn inside the house I happily find only the things I love to decorate the mantle for you. All the pieces of life just fall into place.
I love you sweet bean.
Love,
Mommy
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